Five Ways to Say No to Utang-Addicts

 

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How To Say No to Utang-addicts (Borrowers Who Don’t Pay You Back)

We’ve all gone through this, having a friend or a relative who borrows money – they even beg for help, and they promise to pay you back within a month… but when its time to collect, kapag maniningil ka na, they’ll start hiding from you.

Now one of the major challenges to becoming wealthy is learning how to say no to people who love to borrow money, but don’t care enough to pay you back. This topic is of utmost importance because no matter how hard you work, how disciplined you are in budgeting and investing, if you can’t say NO to people who borrow your money, then building wealth will be impossible. These utang addicts can just take it all away.

01-why-say-noAt the same time, we know that this is a very delicate subject because the people we often want to say no to are also very close to us. They are our friends, they could be our parents, or brothers or sisters, or close cousins or in-laws. And the challenge why it’s so difficult to say no is because we care for them, we empathize for them but we really don’t want to help them financially (and that’s totally okay!)

So today, you’re going to learn 5 Ways  to Say No to People Who Want to Borrow Your Money.
And to begin our episode we want to give you a strong foundation for saying no. That comes with the realization that “the way you spend my money has nothing to do with how much you love and care for other people.”

Let me repeat that, and Write it down.

The way you spend your money has nothing to do with how much you love and care for other people. Click To Tweet

02-the-way-you-spendDone? Now let’s go with the tactical ways on how to say NO.

And the way this will work is that you do it in order. So if the first one doesn’t work, just move on to the next. And of course, only use them if you truly want to say no.

Method #1: Redirect to Non-Financial Means of Help You Can Give

So here’s the situation. The borrower says something like…
Borrower: “Nagkasakit si Jhonel, kailangan namin ng P100,000 para maiuwi na siya galling hospital. (Yes the borrower is sincerely crying in front of you). Pwede bang makahiram ng kahit P20,000 lang, babayaran ko agad agad.”

03-redirect-to-non-financial-aidSo how do you say no to this?

First is to empathize. Let them know that you feel their pain. Then you say something like. “Gusto kong tumulong pero hindi ko rin kaya magpahiram ng P20,000. May ibang paraan ba na pwede akong makatulong na hindi pera?”

So you ask, are there other ways that I can help without money? (If you can think of other ways without involving your money, then suggest them now).

And this can lead to some bargaining.. the borrower can say, can I just borrow P10 thousand or P5 thousand pesos instead? I’ll pay it back!

If they do this, again – empathize. Say you can’t give the money. But ask, is there any other way I can help?
Now, if they keep pestering you for money, we go to Method #2.

Method #2: Ask Them If Money is More Important Than Your Relationship

Here’s what you say: “Naiintindihan ko na kailangan mo talaga ng pera, pero parang hindi na ata tama na nagiging personal na.. Ang dami nang kwento na nasirang relasyon dahil lang sa pera, ayaw kong mangyari yun sa atin. Hindi talaga ako makakatulong pagdating sa pera, may iba bang paraan na makakatulong ako?”

04-ask-them-if-money-trumps-your-relationshipSo what happens is that you hint at them that there have been many times when important relationships have been damaged because of money, that’s why you can’t let them borrow anymore. Then you ask again, are there other ways I can help without money?

At this point, it’s possible that the borrower will continue crying, and just wait for you to give in.
Here is where you can use method #3.

 

Method #3: Ask Them to Collect From Someone Who Owes You

(And of course only do this if it’s applicable to you).

Here’s What You Say: “Meron pala akong magagawa, pero nahihiya na kasi ako. Si (name of another friend/relative) kasi ay may utang din sa akin na Pxx,xxx.00. Ilang beses ko na siyang tinanong, pero hindi parin siya nagbabayad. Ngayon nahihiya na akong mangulit kasi baka makasira pa ng relasyon namin. Kung makolekta mo sa kanya yung utang niya sa akin na, Pxx,xxx.00 pwede kong ipahiram yun sayo. Okay ba yun sayo? Ito ang number nya.”

05-ask-them-to-collectSo what happened here? Literally there’s No money out for you here, because you asked them to collect from someone who already owes you. Plus you reiterated why you can’t help, and that the relationship is extremely important to you. Of course, do this only when someone else indeed owes you money.

Let’s now go to Method #4 if they decline.

#4. Scare them with a Promissory Note (Only Do This if You’re Willing).

Here’s what You Say: “Meron naman akong kaunting perang mapapahiram. Pero marami na rin kasing humiram sa akin at hindi naman nagbayad at nagpakita. Kaya ngayon nagpapahiram ako pero laging may promissory note. Okay lang ba ito sayo?”

06-promissory-noteIf they say yes, continue with: “So gagawa nalang ako ng promissory note, doon natin lalagay kung magkano ang utang mo, ano yung schedule ng pagbayad at kung magkano yung kasamang interest. (Go with 1-5% per month.) Masusulat din doon kung ano yung interest kung sakaling hindi ka pa makabayad doon sa schedule. Alam ko parang sa bangko, pero ganito nalang talaga ako nagpapahiram. Okay lang ba yun sayo?”

If they say yes, continue with: “Okay, pipirma rin tayo pareho at kakailanganin mo magbigay ng Co-Guarantor. Na kung sakaling hindi ka pa makabayad, yung co-guarantor pwede ko rin singilin sa utang mo. Ilalagay natin ang pangalan, address, telephone, at mobile. Kailangan niya rin pumirma doon sa promissory note natin. Okay ba ito sayo?”

If they say yes, you say: “Okay, ihahanda ko nalang yung promissory note. Pwede mo balikan ito bukas para maitype ko ng maayos. Tapos pagkabigay ko nung promissory note, ipapirma mo nalang din yung co-guarantor, tapos balik ka ulit. Tsaka ko maipapahiram yung pera. Okay ba yun sayo?”

If they say yes, then proceed with the agreement. Also, call up the co-guarantor to validate if the person is real and is aware of the loan.

Again, do this only if you’re willing, otherwise just skip to #5.

What is Method #5?

Method #5: Gesture for Them to Leave (or Excuse Yourself to Leave)

So let’s say the Borrower says: Pwede bang wala nang promisorry note, matagal pa yan eh, at magbabayad naman talaga ako. Kailangan ko na nung pera… You know they keep pestering you.

So here’s what you do. Say: “Sorry, pero sa sinasabi mo mukhang hindi talaga kita matutulungan. Baka mas makakatulong sayo ang iba.” (Then walk to the door, hold it open and don’t say anything until they leave, or if you’re in another place, then just walk out of there and don’t look back.)

07-gesture-for-them-to-leaveNow here’s a very Important Note: Don’t be scared of using #5. Just walk away because remember – you have already given them multiple opportunities to gracefully step back and accept the NO. They have no ‘claim’ over your money even if they are your parents, brothers, sisters or aunts, or uncles.

And that’s our 5 methods for saying NO to Utang Addicts!

But before we go, we’d like to give you one more bonus tip. After you decline and say NO. It is normal to feel guilty about it. Especially if you have been their ATM for a long time.

Once you decline and say NO to an Utang Addict, it’s normal to feel guilty about it at first. Click To Tweet

At this time, please remember that it is NOT your conscience that is making you feel guilty. It is simply how our brains work… when we have been accustomed to saying yes to people who ask for our help all the time, it is natural that we become uncomfortable when we say no. (To make matters worse, the person we declined could also start saying bad things about us!) But just remember, these are just withdrawal symptoms…

It is the same thing that happens when a long-term abusive relationship ends. Your brain will tell you ways on how you could have ‘saved’ that relationship, how you could have been more patient, caring, etc. Similarly, your partner could start inventing lies about what you did to the relationship – That everything is YOUR fault.

So when you start saying NO to utang-addicts, your brain is going to tell you that you’re bad, you’re selfish, you’re greedy. The person who is used to borrowing money from you may start spreading rumors… When this happens, remember that it is just the withdrawal symptoms, and it is going to be TEMPORARY. We (as human beings) generally dislike any form of change, but once you get used to it, you’ll wonder why you didn’t think of doing it sooner!
Then comes the breakthrough!

After saying NO a couple of more times, I promise you, you’re going to feel GREAT! You’re going to feel empowered and finally realize that “WOW I’m in control of my money!” You’ll think back, “I should have started saying NO sooner!”

As for the person you said no to, well you can’t control their lives. You can’t force them to be more responsible with their own money and obligations, in the same way they can’t force you to hand over your money to them. Remember the very first lesson in this article. “The Way you spend your money has nothing to do with how much you love and care for other people.”

So Let us just pray for them, the people in need, the people who are borrowing money from us. That along the way, they realize that they have the ability to overcome poverty and debt-addiction.
08-pray-for-themAnd that’s it! Let us all start saying NO to debt, and start saying YES to financial responsibility.

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7 Comments

  • Christopher Bautista

    6 December 2016

    The episode about ‘How to Say No to Utang’ is very informative, encouraging and useful.

    Well done.

    Thank you.

  • Tina

    7 December 2016

    Thank you for the very helpful tip from ypur vid. Godbless

  • Tina

    7 December 2016

    Thanks for the tip

  • Anonymous

    7 December 2016

    very rude approach

  • Ping

    7 December 2016

    Would it be possible to have the translation of the conversation from Tagalog to English? I am dealing with a lot of people who want to borrow and I am out reasons sometimes, or my heart is too weak (most of the time). Thanks! Let’s help our friends to have a debt-free life. 🙂

  • LJ Quimpo

    11 December 2016

    this is very helpful and informative. keep up the good work kapatid! 🙂

  • Marshi

    13 December 2016

    Nice one! Helpful, I just realized meron ngang taong addicted sa pangungutang. And better not to tolerate them.
    Keep it up… Thanks!